I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
