you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
