I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
