You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
