the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
