They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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