I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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