no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
