you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
