That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
