stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize