Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
