my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
