If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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