Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
