He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
