You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
