So drunk its hurt
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
