the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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