i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
