Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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