just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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