i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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