He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
