I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
