In the future we'll all be gay
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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