Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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