The maid of honor just puked.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
