I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
