Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize