Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
