Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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