He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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