I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
