You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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