its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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