I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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