Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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