You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
