Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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