i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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