i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
