i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
