It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
