Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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