so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
