No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
