If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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