I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
