i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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