i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
