Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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