I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my liver is dry heaving
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