Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
