My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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