I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
