i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
