the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
