I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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