Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
