I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
People with herpes should wear stickers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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