Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
