I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize