ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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