Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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