I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
