i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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