i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
